You will NOT be seeing me on any of these shows. BUT! you can see me on Youtube and Myspace and of course HERE!
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nati
I am remarkably pissed off that I missed the showing of Robert Pattinson's movie, How To Be. I got it confused with his other film, Little Ashes, coming to New York May 8th for a few weeks. Now what do I do? I'm sitting here listening to the Soundtrack I pre-ordered and wanting to write a persuasive email to someone important. Oh shit, I don't know anyone important...so I'll write a blog.
REALLY?! really now?! I missed the 3 showings in New York and now I have to wait till it comes out on DVD? It's not like it's an unpopular movie...every show has been sold out. I can't even pay to download it. bugga wanker balls!
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nati
Evidently children are going hungry all around the country thanks to Popeye's and their delicious value chicken psych. If only they had ordered more chicken! How could they advertise a sale on chicken and not stocked enough chicken!? People marked their calendars! People been waiting for this day for months! What will they do!? Oh yeah, they'll go to KFC...or McDonalds...or Wendy's...or White Castle...or Burger King...or Taco Bell...or any other fuckin' fast food joint that's one block away from the Popeye's.
Or maybe they could cook.
Thankfully no one in my neighborhood died of starvation as the lines wrapped around the corner all day and all night. whew!
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nati
My friend, Ryan, sent this to me last week. "thought you'd enjoy it", he said. He thought correctly. Susan Boyle's little victory could be the thesis of my existence. So many times I sat down at an open mic and no one thought I was there to perform. I would be invisible for hours till I got up to sing, then roaring applause, the confetti throws and balloons fall from the ceiling, people weeping (true story) and everyone shaking my hand asking for my number. I am always amazed at the way folks treat beautiful folks, as if they have a line of social credit.
I sat next to a pretty girl on a flight from LA to NYC. While she waited for her luggage, a few people asked if she was in town for something important. Some guy told her he was a producer handing over his card...to look that good must mean she's good at something besides looking good. I asked. She doesn't sing. She doesn't act. She works retail and goes to school (communications major...yikes).
Being fat in New York is like being broke at the mall...other than people watching, what exactly are you here for? Yeah, I'm being overdramatic. Point is, the look on Simon Cowel's face when Susan opens up her mouth to sing is the single greatest feeling...not vindication but epiphany.
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nati
Is it Obama's good influence? Or perhaps our salivating glands when the word Prom is mentioned? I think both came into play when we decided to adopt a very special school here in Prospect Park East. Only 5 years old, this is only the school's 2nd prom and the students are all new to America so you can imagine how bewildering the whole experience must be. I can't imagine what these girls will be thinking when droves of 'big sister's" in hats and dresses come to their school and make them over for prom. Last time I looked we had over 100 dresses for our little sisters to try on. Um...did I mention...Tina and I will be doing makeup and hair (OMG I'm so excited!)
Yesterday I hosted the DCL brunch at my house and it was a total blast! we collected some more dresses and drank champagne mixers...my favorites were the Apricot and lychee!
Don't worry, you may have missed the brunch and the after party and my amazing cold shrimp cocktail spread...but there is still time to donate dresses!
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nati
I'm so excited to be sharing the stage with Scott Rudd this weekend. I've never played Googie's but the piano looks wicked so I'm excited. Scott reminds me a little of Samuel Beam, who also has a beard, and didn't start out doing music. Samuel taught film and cinematography in Florida before borrowing that magical 4 track recorder and becoming Iron and Wine.
Scott is a New York based photographer. Like Samuel, he started making music for the love of it and not some need to be famous. Thus, there's an ease to their sound that lulls me. I met Scott through other photographer friends of mine and he was instantly excited to hear that I taught voice and wrote music. After our first lesson we got a six pack of beer and stayed up all night recording in my kitchen. Since then we double bill quite often. During our rehearsal yesterday, Scott broke out the camera and here's what happened next.
Oh yeah,
I made my dress out of vintage Hollie Hobbie sheets.
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nati
Finding fat chicks who make art that isn't just about being fat is a fulltime job.
I recently attended a Bobby Long concert filled to the brim with chicks of all shapes and sizes. I took video of the show and after posting on Youtube they all found me. And this is how I found Meghan Tonjes. She's a plus size Michigan-based guitar playing singer/songwriter who I found on the youtube page of one of my new Bobby-fan friends. The day after I found Meghan, Perez Hilton posted one of her videos on his website and twitter...in two days she had 40,000 hits...right now she's almost at 86,000.
I've been stalking her, plotting to kidnap her and go on tour, and basically declaring her my new best friend. True Story.
Watch the video...tell me we wouldn't make beautiful music together. Then go buy her album on iTunes! Suport plus musicians, you skanks!
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nati
Weight has been such an inssue in China and Japan...a cultural obsession Americans can't touch even with our Golden God Hollywood Worship.
Many Canto Pop stars are singing about it:
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nati
Title: 姿色份子
Title: A Member of the Beautiful (it's a play on word here . . . usually, we call the Intellectuals "ji sik fan ji" which means a member of the knowledge. The word "ji" for knowing and the word "ji" for beauty (one of the words anyways) have the same pronunciation).
為何面容淨白兼緊緻
Why does the face, purely white and tight
瘦削蛋臉 便算合時
Narrow and thin, like an egg (note: imagine an egg with the tip pointing down, the "perfect face"), is considered trendy?
手臂只有少許的鬆弛
The arm only has a little bit of loosening
已太丟臉 活著沒有意思
is too shameful, and living becomes meaningless?
神奇 保濕的忌廉
Magical, moisture capturing cream
能完全鎖緊水分去粉刺
Can completely lock down the moisture and get rid of acnes
更有那彩光修護店
Also there are those laser "repair shop"
人在世 無下次 全部要一試
Human in this life, there is no next time. One should try everything at least once.
CHORUS
＊不可思議 個個變姿色份子
Unbelievable! Everyone is becoming "A Member of the Beautiful"
美態等於尊嚴
The state of beauty has become respect
纖體主義 擴散了整個城市
The ideology of dieting has spread through the city
如同疫症感染
Just like an infection by a plague
終於 貝特瑪利亞麗塔艾美或翠斯
Finally, Betty, Maria, Rita, Emmy or Tracy
每個相貌也極似
Everyone's face is very similar
全沒個性與自我的標誌 倒模天使＊
No one has personality or the mark of a self. A molded angel (note: not the yeast mold but like a mold from which models/statues are made)
若求令男士目光轉移
An attempt to make the men's sight turn
強作嬌豔 實太便宜
One pretends to be tender and beautiful. It really is too cheap.
跟四周女子互相比試
To compete with all the women around
鬥美爭艷 實在沒有意思
To determine who is more beautiful. It really is meaningless.
試試 想得真實點
Try to think really
誰能搖身一變成模特兒
Who can suddenly become a model
各有各本身的特點
Everyone has their own special aspect
肥或瘦 圓或幼 無謂太刻意
Fat or thin. Round or skinny. No need to be too painstaking
REPEAT＊
不可思議 看看本週的雜誌
Unbelievable. Looking at this week's magazines
愛美標準一致
The standard of the love of beauty is uniform
纖體主義 灌溉這一個城市
The ideology of dieting has been irrigating through the city
全民受到恩賜
All citizens have received its grace.
REPEAT＊
Forever 21 is coming out with a plus line!?! My excitement lasted about 10 minutes.
Wow, I was just thinking how I need another white button up shirt, boxy tie die tank top, and floral print babydoll with no sleeves. Jesus, lord...it's like Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. As soon as a designer sits down and says "I've got funding, I've got resources, I will now make cute clothes for the fat girl!!!" they're replaced by the shapeless boxy tanktop/sleeveless dress monster. Did you see where that tank top hits her? Practically at her waist. Oh yeah maybe if I lift my arms people can see my belly button! I've always loved Sponge Bob, if only I had his silhouette. Forever 21 has some cute trendy pieces, it's what's kept them in business for so many decades...but they decided not to go that route...the route that's kept them in business. Instead they're going to make another hideous plus line and get all excited that they do it cheaper than anyone else. Good for them. I'll be here, sewing real clothes. Lemme know if you wanna join the ranks of the cool kids or feel free to be another fashion scavenging reject.
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nati
I'm not a fan of her voice, but I do enjoy her tech and this video is a testiment to how easy the Tenori-On is to operate...it says "even a hot girl can use it". The Tenori-On is the light up gadget that makes her beat. The price on these babies has gone down to $200 from $1000...so feel free to send me one.
I've been dying to add some simple raw beats to my live show like Lay and Love by Bonnie "Prince" Billy.
And the Stylophone is just plain sexy. You just touch the pen to the keys. I've never played one but it looks fun.
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nati
Someone from Fox (or their 3rd party casting agency) contacted me about auditioning for their new dating show "More to Love". Yes, Fox (the most tasteful reality show provider) is casting plus size women for a new 'not so hot' dating show. An experiment in how fat girls would react to jacuzzis and other shallow rites of passage in the skinny dating world. Wow. I'd like to think their heart is in the right place, but the producers are the same guys that brought you “Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire". I've read their Q&A and they admit to being curious how we'll react to bathing suits and lingerie...are you kidding? I'm sure they'll throw in cheesecake fights and mud wrestling too.
So "why am I looking at your fucking audition tape, nati...you hypocrite," you might be saying. Out loud even. Yeah. I kinda promised myself I'd be less of a bitch and try new things that I'd normally think are lame. I'm even considering crashing the American Idol auditions even though I'm too old. I will not lose my cool. I will just step forward into the great unknown and do all the things I used to write scathing blogs about.
Who knows...I may find true love. hahahahaha.
I encourage you to join me. Fill out the application and send in your video, or go to Layne Bryant for an open call audition.
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nati
So I read Fat Pig and I don't totally get why Neil Labute is concidered the greatest playwrite alive. I think he has a knack for creating asshole men who objectify women and wade in the shallowest waters of life. He also does their banter well. But I'm not sold on this Helen character and I was not moved by a tear worthy situation. A love story about a plus woman and a good looking guy? I should be rubbing one out every page, biting my nails, calling my girlfriends, pretending I'm the girl...something. It's a short play, I recommend reading it so you can be as sad as I am that there still are no really strong roles for plus actresses. (pun intended).
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nati
i've been gathering a group to go see the new Neil Labute play I recently blogged about, Reasons To Be Pretty. Sarah, one of my more active actress friends mentioned a play he wrote a few years ago called Fat Pig. Which is currently running in London right now (dying to fly there just to see it). It's a love story about Tom and Helen and Helen is fat. Antics ensue. I guess Neil had his own issues with weightloss and that is why it's has become a topic for him.
I don't know much more, just wanted to say I'm going out today to buy the book since it is NOT available on eReader or Kindle! poop! Neil...please have all your plays and screen plays available for digital download...it's the best thing a writer can do for his bank account.
By the way, there is nothing more sexy than Jeremy Piven snuggling up to me...so I'm also going to photoshop my head onto Ashlie Atkinson's body (and crack no joke about her last name) and pretend I was in this 2004 Broadway production.
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nati
